|
Finger your loose tooth as you balance
on the catwalk 150 feet above North America's second largest lift
bridge that connects the Keweenaw peninsula to the rest of Upper Michigan.
You're up in search of a way into the tower that is lit with strobes
to keep low-flying turboprops from flying into it, which they'll
do and which they have done, the tower that you think holds the controls
to lift the bridge or lower it again. The wind is fast up here, as fast
you think as light moves, so you read in your middle school textbook on
physical science, the class with Mr. Laitala who sleeps with one of the
girls in your class and sees her in the locker rooms during assemblies
when both of them should be displaying a more productive school spirit.
You've lived your life below this bridge with its set of lights
and its control tower that looks like how you think a disco club might
look; from below you think you see women swaying, enclosed and warm. Some
of your friends jump off the main level a hundred feet into the water
below which you won't do because you've seen what the surface
of the lake is like when you hit it from such a distance. You've
seen your older brother's broken arm purple like the only eggplant
you ever saw, when your parents brought it home to spice up dinner. Finger
on the tooth that's been reliably mobile in your mouth for the last
month—not wisdom teeth but the product of some rot, some gingivitis
that could have been prevented by more rigorous brushing, some eating
at enamel after too many Bottle Caps candies and candy cigarettes you
buy to pretend you smoke, and that you even light because you claim you
like that burnt crystal sugar taste. Feel it safe within your mouth for
now but loose—like you're safe within this place but loose
and renegade, above the traffic that moves in lines below. You consider
moving the pylons that stretch across one lane to indicate construction
so they cross both lanes and confuse drivers through the metal rain and
through the surface of the lake. You are up here, your argument more powerful
than theirs. You drop coins and spit and do the usual sort of thing people
do when they are so far above the road. You plan to pour a can of sawdust
down with your friend Jerry on a windless day and light the column so
it all flares up and is a testament to some adolescent urge for fire and
to make a mark a scorch a tome a line of flame a ton of energy on the
newly painted and just-renovated world that you don't matter to
just yet. |
|